Wed. June 4, 2014

This week has been a little bit discouraging.  I'm surprised by that because, chemo-wise, I'm feeling good.  But I have been fighting that silly cough, etc.  I felt a tightness in my chest Sat. night.  I am so desperate, I am willing to try almost anything, though I am being careful about taking things internally per Dr. orders.  Who knows what interactions we might have with this silly chemo?  (We KNOW it's toxic!!!)  Sat. night I slept with a garlic/onion poultice on my chest.  I didn't see much difference.  The next night, I diffused some essential oils next to my bed.  I noticed the tightness loosening up immediately--within the first 5 minutes of turning the diffuser on.  I've also been applying oils topically, but haven't noticed them helping much.  I still have the cough (dry) but the tightness is gone.  And now I have a sore throat (but only on one side of my throat) and ear pain.  I would go to the Dr. but don't think they could do anything--I'm sure it's viral.  This morning for breakfast, I am having a very nasty concoction.  I don't even dare tell you what's in it, other than onion and garlic . . . The first swig (which I drank on an empty stomach--oops) came back up.  So, I ate some toast and I"m slowly sipping it.  It's nasty, and VERY POTENT, but if it helps, I don't care.  I would advise everyone to keep their distance from me today, though.  My breath is going to be KILLER!!!

On Sunday night, my arm was really hurting, from my armpit down to my wrist.  I was also still hurting in the surgical sites that night just a little.  For just a minute, I just wanted my "old" body back so badly!  It wasn't perfect, but it didn't have scar tissue and scars, etc.  Then I remembered that I can't look backward, only forward, so I've been trying to stay focused on that.  I'm also trying to prepare for hair loss.  As of today, I'm on borrowed time.  I've tried to mentally prepare, and thought I was prepared, but I'm sure there's really no way I can adequately prepare for that.

However, I was thinking about the challenges of being a mother, and how sometimes I have felt like tearing my hair out, and realized I have a (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime photo opportunity coming up!  My grand plan is that when I shave my head, I will try to make it a crazy silly occasion, in addition to being a sad one.  And take lots of pictures!!!

I noticed yesterday that my dry mouth is starting to improve.  I am going to ENJOY that for the next week!  That has been the side effect so far that has annoyed me the most, even more than metallic taste, because the dry mouth is with me all day long.  The taste only bothers me when I eat or drink.  Both side effects are beginning to improve, and so I'm also going to try to focus on how good that feels, and hope that helps to combat the discouragement.

If any of you have any other home remedies that would be safe to use considering the toxins I've already got running around inside me, I'm listening!  I'm concerned about what will happen if I haven't been able to kick this sore throat, cough, etc. before my next treatment.

Thus far, I've not had a Priesthood Blessing for it. This is for two reasons.  First, (and maybe my thinking is faulty here) I've felt like God gave us a lot of resources to use here on this earth, and He expects us to do all in our power to solve our own problems.  I didn't feel right about running to Him asking Him to "fix it" prior to my doing everything I knew how to do.  Maybe that's the wrong approach, but that's how I've felt about it.  Secondly, it has been a logistics thing . . . tight schedules, illness in my family that I don't want to expose others to, etc.  But I think that's the next thing I need to do, in addition to trying anything else that sounds like it will be safe . . .  Here's hoping I can see some improvement soon.