Friday, June 20, 2014
I had a Dr. appointment yesterday.  I am feeling better, but not good.  I tire more easily--just general weakness, I still have the cough and runny nose, and all the other side effects like metallic taste and a dry mouth.  Felt a bit of nausea on and off today.  I am really beginning to understand what I only understood intellectually before . . . that with each treatment, my "feeling better" won't be quite as good as before.

So, at my Dr. appointment, we talked about how this cycle went, and all the symptoms.  (FYI, I really am doing very well with the chemo--I've heard of other people whose bodies handle it so poorly, they decide to discontinue it.)  So, after we talked about all that, the PA at the oncologist's office said, "So, is there anything else?"  "No, I'm good."  But he must have been getting vibes that I didn't even know about, because he asked a couple of times.  Finally, I said, "It just seems so long.  I don't know how people who are on maintenance do it!"  He looked a little surprised and then said, "Oh, that's a whole different chemo.  When someone is on maintenance, we aren't going to be curing it, so it's a different chemo.  With you, we're hitting you hard; we're going for a cure!!!  And you are doing really very well with it.  Most people don't do this well."  At that point, I said something like "I know, some people have it so rough.  I've got no reason to complain."  And he said "Give yourself credit!  This is a tough chemo you're doing, and you are handling it so well!"  Then he told me during the next two weeks, get out and do some fun things; make some good memories.  I felt like a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders.  Somehow it made me feel better to know that I wasn't just being wimpy when I don't feel very good.  It was a great reminder that there IS a purpose for this misery, and that it will be worth it when I'm done.  And it was great advice to get out and do something fun to lift my spirits so that I'm ready for the next go-round in two weeks.  I really appreciated that he was more tuned-in than I was!

And now for the irony!  When I talked to him about this obnoxious lingering cough and junk, he told me that it could be BECAUSE of the chemo--that's quite common.  While it is true that I've been fighting illness off and on since March, who knows what has caused what?  Which came first, the chicken or the egg???  Isn't that funny?  I've been so worried about trying to get rid of the crud so I could have the chemo, and the whole time, it may have been the chemo that was causing it!!!  That made me feel better, too.  Even though I will probably have to feel icky, it took the pressure of "having to get rid of it" off.  It's so funny.  The more I learn about this whole cancer experience, the more I find out I don't know.  Amusing.

So, the plan for this week and next is to try to focus more on the good things than on the fact that I am not feeling 100%.  If I look for the good, that is what I will find.  So, I"m going to look!  Today was a nice, sunny day.  It has been dark and rainy all week, which I am sure has played a part in my discouragement.  But today was beautiful, and that was nice!  :-)