Wed. Dec. 31, 2014

I've been so busy that I haven't had time to write.  I'm doing much, much better emotionally.  I am beginning to mentally move on from this.  I still have my list of questions--and I'm adding more questions all the time--but I'm feeling less shook up about it all the time.  I hope I'm able to move on without forgetting the lessons I learned.

I had a wonderful Christmas.  Since I had most of my shopping done before Thanksgiving, I was really able to focus on the Savior this year.  I have had time to think about Him as I ran around doing the things I needed to do---the miraculous birth, His life and example.  His atoning sacrifice, and the enormity of the impact on all of us.  His death and miraculous Resurrection.  I have really been able to ponder it all.  It has made a wonderful Christmas Season.

I have spent a lot of time with family, playing games, etc.  It has been SO BUSY, but so fun.  I always enjoy the time with my family, but this year was better because I felt like I have been given a second chance at life.  I am deeply grateful.

Also, this year, more than any other I've ever had, I have been anxious to put 2014 behind me.  We usually don't make a huge deal about the New Year, and we really haven't this year either.  But for the first time in my life, I found myself wanting to take the Christmas decorations down and look forward to the New Year.  Mentally, it feels like a new start---another chance.  I think starting a new year is going to be a big thing for me mentally--I'm looking forward to it.

Don't get me wrong---I wasn't trying to push the Savior out of my life by taking down the decorations.  (When I say that, I mean that there is religious symbolism embedded in even the most common of our decorations and traditions.)   I'm not trying to "get over with Christmas and shove the Savior out"--I'm taking the Savior with me into the New Year.  But it is so good for me mentally to be able to have a new beginning.

I end this year so very grateful for my blessings.  I'm thankful for life, for family, for the good health we all have (there are so many other things that COULD go wrong with all our bodies--hope they don't), for my husband's job and resulting financial security, for my ability to stay home with my children so I can attempt to be an influence for good for them, for freedom and peace, for my testimony, for the gospel, for all the material possessions and conveniences that are not necessary to sustain life, but that make life so much easier.  I have been truly blessed, and for all these things I am thankful.  I know future challenges will come, but I'm not spending time focusing on that right now.  I am allowing my mind and heart to heal as long as I can, and I'm hoping to take the lessons I have learned with me so that when future challenges DO come, I will be able to meet them with courage and faith.