I've been going to write a few things down here all week, but haven't had time. My little man changed all that . . . he woke up all bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5:15 a.m., and there was no more sleeping after that. So, I think I'll hurry and tell my story and then go exercise, and get going on my day.
First, I got a surprise on Monday! My sister had called and told me that something for my mom and dad's Christmas was going to be delivered to my house, and I needed to be home to sign for it. She wouldn't give me more information than that, just told me I would understand later. When I told her that I had a kid to pick up from Scouts, she told me the homeowner needed to be there, and to see if I could make other arrangements. So then on Monday, she called and told me that my dad was going to drop my mom off at my house on his way to Physical Therapy so she could be here when it was delivered. (He had shoulder surgery a few weeks ago.) My mom came to hang out at my house. That NEVER happens, but my sister had told me it was going to happen, so I didn't think much of it. My living room was a huge mess because we had been gradually putting up Christmas decorations. I had boxes EVERYWHERE! My mom (who is not a neat freak) casually started picking up boxes and taking them in the other room. She folded the blankets that the kids had left on the floor. I noticed, and asked her why my messy house was bothering her. She said, "Oh, I guess I'm just weird." Ok, that was unusual, but I still didn't put the pieces together. My dad came back from PT, and just about a minute later there was a knock on the door. So I went to answer it, and got a huge surprise. My kid's orthodontist was standing on the doorstep. I must add here that his office is 1 1/2 hr. away from here, so I was definitely surprised. I still didn't get it. I said, "Oh, hi!" He said, "I'm lost." I said, "Ok, whatcha looking for?" He said, "You." (Huh???? I was so confused.) I said, "Well, you found me!" He said "Come out here for a minute." So, I went outside (kid and dog following, making a racket to just add to the confusion of the moment.) A lady got out of his car, and he introduced me to her--his wife. Then he told me that every year their office picks a patient to do something nice for at Christmas, and this year they picked us. They all pitch in and shop, so he had "a few things for me." So, he started pulling things out of the car. There was a bag with food for Christmas dinner, a turkey, a HUGE wrapped box that he said has presents for everyone in our family, and a wrapped basket that looks like candy. :-) I couldn't figure out how he had found my house (I only gave them my PO Box.) I knew that my sister and one of his staff go to the same gym; that's how they did it. They have been working on this since the beginning of November, and she gave them information to help them know what kinds of things we would like. A side note . . . I don't think he knows this, but one of my other sisters takes her kids to him, too. I thought it was so nice of them to think of me. I think when someone does something nice like that for you, it's so important to take it in the spirit it was given in . . . love. That was so sweet. I have a few pictures of the stuff:
Next thing to write about . . . Remember the lady I mentioned previously . . . my friend Cindy that I ran into a week after my last chemo? At that time, the cancer had spread to her brain, and they were sending her in THAT DAY to set up radiation. She was not doing well at all, and I thought to myself, "She only has a few weeks left, at most." I hoped maybe I would run into her at radiation, but I never did. I found out that she passed away not long after that day in September when I saw her. Probably only a few days later. That's why I never ran into her at radiation. I am so sorry for her family---she left behind a husband and 14-year old daughter, and an older daughter as well. This is what I hope DOESN'T happen to me. And I'm so very sorry it happened to them. She had a funny sense of humor, and she fought the cancer hard. I'm glad she isn't suffering anymore, and hope her family is doing well.
So, now for the unnerving part . . . I found out my future treatment plan. I don't love it. I had hoped there would be some way we could monitor me to make sure the cancer wasn't coming back. But the Dr. told me that scans just add a lot of extra radiation. He said if it comes back, it will be in the lung, so I need to keep an eye out for unexplained pain in my lung, a cough that won't go away, unexplained nausea, or unexplained generally feeling rotten. That's so unnerving. I had hoped there would be a good way we could watch for it and catch it if it comes back BEFORE it gets to the lung. But, as close to the chest wall as that tumor was, I guess it wouldn't be surprising that it would head straight for my lung.
Because it is estrogen dependent, I will also be on anti-estrogen medication. In some ways that also makes me nervous. I hadn't even thought about this until my sister-in-law mentioned it yesterday, but what if it makes me grouchy? I don't want my family to have to suffer. And, of course, there's the bone density issue that this brings up . . . I'm starting menopause pretty early, so I also have to take a WHOPPING dose of calcium and vitamin D every day. That increases my chance of another kidney stone, but helps with the bone density.
Oh, dear. I think it would be easier to deal with if I could have a "scan" or some sort of "evidence" to show that things were ok in there. I've been trying to absorb all this information---I think, really, it leads me back to where we started. I just need to try my best not to worry about it--watch for symptoms, but just take each day as it comes and just trust that Heavenly Father cares enough about my family to do what is best for us. So, I will continue trying to practice having faith. I'm learning that it takes practice!
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