Sunday, May 18, 2014

So, I think I kind of freak people out a little . . . I keep cracking all these cancer jokes.  I have to say, I think I'm being pretty funny, but apparently, not everyone else does.  People don't seem to know how to take them--I think at this point, they are more traumatized by this whole thing than me (although when I'm sick as a dog from the chemo, that might change.)  Somehow, laughing about it seems to make it less scary.  I can either laugh or cry--and laughing is much more fun.  :-)

When I first found out, I decided I was going to put pink streaks in my hair.  I'm pretty conservative by nature, so I've never dared (or even had a desire) to put pink in my hair.  So, we bought pink hair dye.  My thought was that it was pretty low-risk . . . my hair's going to fall out anyway, so if I hate it, who cares?  I'm not stuck with it!  I didn't expect my family (and even some of my kid's friends) to put pink in their hair, too, but many of them did.  My 7 year old son was getting a bit of a ribbing from a kid at school for the pink stripe on his sideburns.  He told me that he told the boy, "It's in suppoowt of my mothew who has bweast cancew."  (He can't say his r's.)  So cute.  The bummer is that it didn't stay very long.  I'll have to "refresh" it, I guess.

One of our Home Teachers was joking around with me today.  He suggested when I shave my head (after the first clump of hair falls out) I should leave a little on the back--like a mullet.  I never thought about that!  Maybe I should!  I could shave my head in steps . . . like a mohawk down the middle, etc.  (Just long enough to get a picture.)  I don't want to leave clumps of hair all over the house--or in the shower drain.  I love my husband and would like to stay married, and I'm way too cheap to pay a plumber.

I also decided I should draw pictures on my head or write "Bald is Beautiful" on my head once my hair is gone.  Only problem is that I haven't decided what to write with.  My aunt pointed out that Magic Marker could be toxic.  Good point . . . it could give me cancer--oh, wait!  I already have cancer!  Seriously, though, it probably isn't the best idea.  I don't want to do this cancer thing again, that's for sure.  I'm really not a tattoo girl, but maybe temporary ones would be fun.

I'm also thinking about eyebrows . . . should I draw some on?  That might get fun, too.  I could have "angry eyebrows" one day, go for looking confused another day, etc.  I don't even own an eyebrow pencil . . . if you know me, you would agree I don't need one . . . I need tweezers!  But I won't anymore!  Maybe I'll have to buy one.

Last night, a lady in our community that went through this same experience 7 years ago caught up with me at a church meeting.  It was helpful to talk to her, hear of her experiences, and get some more information about what chemo will entail.  (Actually, strangely enough, her diagnosis date was April 20--mine was April 17.  Her surgery date was May 1--so was mine.  Her first day of chemo was May 21--mine will be May 22.  How weird is that??)

Now reality is hitting me . . . the next big step (chemo) is this week.  Truthfully, I'm a little scared, but I have to keep reminding myself that I need to trust in the Lord, pray for help, and lean on Him.  AND take it 1 day at a time.  I'm in the process of getting my family lined out--assigning out laundry, meals, etc.  I have some meals in the freezer, but I know I will have to depend heavily on the help of others.  I am so thankful for their offers of assistance; their kindness and generosity.  I hope I'm not too much of a burden on them.  I'm trying to balance self-reliance and the reality that with 6 children at home, we are going to have to ask for help.

The sweet lady I talked to last night told me how chemo affected her.  It sounds very miserable, but I"m glad she told me because that will help me be more prepared for the reality.  As I've thought about it today, I've thought about how frightening it is, but also how I know that Jesus Christ knows what I'm feeling.  He understands the pain I will be feeling, and if I turn it over to Him, He will help me to bear it.  Sometimes it is hard to let go of the fear and just trust, though.  I guess maybe that's one of the lessons He wants me to learn from this experience.  I hope I'm not too slow of a learner . . .

My sister sent me a link to a talk that John Bytheway gave.  I thought it was so good, I asked her to include it here.  (I asked her, because I'm not tech-smart enough to do it myself!  :-)  )  It pretty much summed up the way I feel, too.  Enjoy!!