Monday, Sept. 8th
Well, I'm right on schedule . . . completely out of patience, and just wanting to feel good again.  The Monday after chemo I'm always impatient . . . I'm awake enough to want to do something, but feeling too weak, dizzy, confused, etc. to do anything productive.  And I'm frustrated by that!

I think the worst thing is the fear that I might have missed something important.  Chemo makes me forget things, but not everything.  Just enough to make me worry what else I've forgotten.  For example, I found a piece of paper in my purse.  It had a name and an international phone number on it.  I kind of knew why I had the number, but couldn't remember when or where I got it and wrote it down, or what I was supposed to do with it.  (Fortunately, I mentioned my confusion to my sister; she reminded me that she had given it to me, and even told me the details of where and when I received it.  I didn't remember a bit of it.)

This morning, my husband asked me where he might find a clean pair of socks.  I can't even tell you the panic that shot through me.  I kept thinking "I know I should know this.  I know this isn't a hard question!"  But for the life of me, I couldn't remember when I last washed socks or why they weren't in his drawer.  All I could tell him was "I don't know."  It scared me because it makes me feel so vulnerable.  I'm afraid I will forget something important (like to arrange a ride for one of my kids, etc.)  It's really a frightening feeling.

But, on the bright side, because I've felt this frustration before, I can say that tomorrow should be better.  :-)  And the day after that will be even better.  There are no words in the English language that adequately communicate how happy I am to have finished my last chemo.  I hope it's the last one EVER!!!!!  Everything I do for the next few weeks is going to be a celebration . . . just because I'm done with chemo!!!

I'm so excited . . . in a few weeks, I will probably be able to taste again.  My feet might start getting un-numb.  And I might even start growing hair again in a month or so!  A new adventure . . .  I wonder if it will be thick or thin, curly or straight, coarse or fine??  I can't wait to find out!