Wed. July 16th
I'm still thinking about giving back/paying it forward.  I haven't come up with any great ideas yet, but I'm still thinking.

I just sat down to pay bills and balance my checkbook.  I opened my bank statement, and there was $100 deposit I didn't have in my records.  I looked it up to make sure, and called the bank.  It was someone else that was thinking of us and deposited some money.  I asked if they could find out who it was (and not tell me) and mail a thank you note, and they looked it up and assured me they can.  So, next time I go in, I'll take a thank you note for them to send.

I guess I had just kind of assumed that once the "shock" of my diagnosis wore off, so would the support.  It hasn't.  People have been so kind, and so good.  Again, I find myself wondering how to pass it on.

A few days ago, I got a package in the mail, from my sister-in-law that lives in Colorado.  It was full of "blue" things . . . with a note that said "thought you might be feeling 'blue.'"  How creative, and how sweet.  I hope everyone knows how much I appreciate their kindness. Truly, from the bottom of my heart.

I also had a chance to chat with one of the Compassionate Service Leaders in my ward last night.  She, again, offered to help me in any way I need.  As we were talking, the opposite topics of self-reliance and entitlement came to my mind---I've been thinking a lot about those, too.  (For what it's worth, I think it's so important to do everything in your power to take care of the needs of yourself and your family, and THEN, after you have done what you can (and when you have a real need--not a greed), know when to call for help.  Self-reliance means doing all you can; it also means not being too prideful to ask for help.  To swing to either extreme isn't good . . . balance is required in this, as in all things.)  I reassured her that I really will call if there's a need, and I will!  So far, though, I have tried my best to prepare in the weeks I've felt good by putting meals in the freezer, making kid arrangements, etc.  After chemo in the week when I'm "down," my family, neighbors, etc. have taken such good care of me, I haven't felt I needed to ask my ward for more.

I've had people come up to me and say (apologetically) "I really haven't done anything for you except pray."  My response to that is "Prayers are what I need the very most!  Thank you, and please keep praying!"

Truly, no act of service has been too small.  Again, I have been blown away by the kindnesses people have extended, both small and large.  And, again, I find myself wondering "How do I ever even begin??"