I'm done with the 3rd!  Halfway done with chemo!  This one wasn't too bad, either physically or emotionally.  It wasn't fun . . . never is, but it was probably the easiest so far.  I have been warned, and I expect, that there will be one coming up that knocks me flat, so I need to keep my head wrapped around that so that I'm prepared.

I have been thinking about the topic of "giving back" a lot lately.  Or "paying it forward," however you want to say it.

On my 2nd cycle, I was having my chemo, and these girls came in with these big boxes.  They started pulling vase after vase of flowers out and putting them on the counter.  One of them brought one to me, with a note.  It was from a cancer survivor in St. Anthony, who occasionally just sends flowers in for those of us fighting the battle.  I thought it was a beautiful thing to do.  I need to get online and see if I can find a website to thank her.

I also met a lady named Cindy while I was having chemo.  She is a kick in the pants!  She is battling cancer, too, and had chemo the same day.  She's got this super funny sense of humor, and she just tells it like she sees it.  I ran into her this last time, too, the day after my treatment when I went in for a shot.  We chatted for a minute, and she told me she hoped I kicked this cancer's [butt] because "one of us has to, and it's having a 'party'" in her.  She didn't whine or complain, she didn't have a little pity party, no hint of victimization, just a matter of fact statement.  I REALLY wish her cancer would quit partying . . . I want her to kick its' butt, too.  I was so touched that even in her circumstances, she was thinking of me and pulling for me.  What an amazing person!

I mentioned in a previous post that a lady in our community that had breast cancer 7 years ago caught up with me at a church meeting.  She stays in touch via text.  Her support and encouragement mean so much to me.

During this last treatment, a cute, young woman popped in to talk to the nurses.  Her husband and kids were with her.  One of the nurses, pointing at her, said "Here's a survivor!"  I asked her to come back and talk to me, and she took a few minutes to do so.  I can't tell you how much I appreciated talking to her.  She told me her story, and it was so nice to see her!  She's young (she was 36 at the time), healthy, active, vibrant, beautiful.  It's always nice to see people that have gone through this, and to see with my own eyes that there can be life--great life--afterward!

I was talking to my nurse this last time.  His dad has terminal cancer.  Right now he is in Seattle, doing experimental treatments.  He's not doing it for himself . . . he's doing it as a way of giving back.

I was sleeping during the 4th of July Parade, but my family went.  As soon as they came home, several of my family members came in my room to tell me all about it.  There's a family here that owns their own business.  Their son had cancer a few years ago, and he went through 2 years of chemo.  I can't even imagine how hard it must be to watch your child go through that!  Not long after I was diagnosed, I ran into them at a school event.  They talked to me for a long time, and it was so helpful for me.
 They always have a float in the 4th of July Parade.  Well, this year, on their float, they had pink ribbons on the trees.  They were giving out tee shirts that said "Tough Guys and Gals are Bald" with a pink ribbon on the front.  When they saw my family, they looked for and found a shirt that would fit me and gave it to my family to bring home to me.  I really wish I could have seen it, but even hearing about it makes me cry.  My entire family, and myself, were so touched--my mom, sisters, and even some of my kids cried when they told me about it.  What a support they are to me, as well as everyone else that is battling cancer!  I've written a thank-you note to send them, but it seems so inadequate, I'm going to tear it up and try again.  How do you find words to express gratitude that deep?

My sister came up and took almost a week out of her life to take care of us.  She ran her behind off trying to keep up with the demands of our combined families.  My brother and sister both came up for the 2nd cycle.  Neighbors have sent food . . . in fact, my neighbor sent over a meal the other day, and then sent me an apology text because she didn't feel she had sent a nice enough one.  I don't want her to apologize!  I want her to know how much I truly appreciate her taking the time, spending the money, etc. to send food to us when she has a life of her own going on.

I also think about two women in our community that have lost their battles with cancer in the last month or so.  They were amazing women in their own right; women that each made a mark on our community in her own way.  I will always remember and appreciate them for the things they taught me and my family.

I've just been thinking about how much people have done for me and how grateful I am.  I've mentioned only a few . . . there are so many more people that have helped us in their own ways.  It isn't possible for me to mention them all, but no matter how "small" their service was, it is so very appreciated.  I want to thank them, and tell them how much their love and support mean to me.  I want to "pay it forward" or "give back" or something, but I find myself at a total loss.  I want to do something to show people how much I appreciate their love and support.  I want to think of something I can do when this is all over to pass it on to someone else.  But, on both counts, I find myself at a total loss.  How do I even begin?