Saturday, March 14, 2015

Sat. March 14, 2015

Last night was a little bit of a payday.  My oldest son is in a high school play, Peter Pan.  Let me just say here that he doesn't have much acting experience . . . he was Santa Claus in a short, musical version of The Night Before Christmas, and last year he played two minor roles in The Wizard of Oz.  So, I really had no idea that he had so much untapped talent.  He plays Captain Hook.  I sat in the audience and was pretty dang amazed.  Loved it!  So glad I'm still around to see it!


Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Tuesday, March 10th

When I was growing up, my mom always told me that the world didn't revolve around me.  (I really didn't understand what she meant by that . . .)  Well, I just found out that she was wrong.  It does!  At least it does in my house, though not in the way she meant.

Yesterday was a frustrating day.  It was busy, and all the late nights and early mornings and daylight saving time all compounded and caught up to me.  That means all the "little things" that shouldn't have been a big deal were "big things."  I was frustrated and exhausted.  Nearly in meltdown, I went to bed early.  In my exhaustion, I forgot to set my alarm.

Well, you know the rest of that story.  I woke up this morning 5 minutes too late for my kids to catch their bus.  Not 5 minutes later than usual . . . 5 minutes after the bus had gone by.  None of my kid's alarms had rung, either, as luck would have it, and they were ALL still asleep, as was my husband.  We rushed to get everyone ready, and they made it to school (on time, even!) but if I ever think that I'm not needed, all I need to do is just pull a stunt like that or try to "take a day off" and go somewhere!

I think it's probably ok to post this next part now, because I think the only people who read this blog are probably my family anyway---I've been trying to respect the privacy of others by letting them tell their own news and not spreading it around . . .  A week ago, we found out that my dad has prostate cancer.  The Dr. thinks---and we hope and pray---that it is still pretty early.  Prostate cancer is a slow-growing cancer--thus chemo is not an appropriate treatment.  His treatment options are:  1.  Surgery  2.  Radiation  3.  Hormone Therapy  4.  Do nothing.  Surgery is the preferred treatment option, especially if it is early enough that it hasn't spread beyond the prostate.  If it has, they will need to follow up with radiation to try to kill it.  Hormone therapy doesn't "kill" the cancer, but it slows it's spread.  It isn't a good option for anyone that wishes to live a long time more.  And doing nothing means the cancer would keep growing---albeit slowly---until it spread through the body and took the man's life.

They can't do the surgery until 6 weeks after the biopsy, because of risk of infection.  So, Dad is scheduled for surgery next month.  We will know a lot more then, after they get in there and see exactly how far it has spread.

Yesterday afternoon I was talking with the sweet lady who was my visiting teacher while I was going through chemo.  (She has since been moved to a different route.  :-(   )  She substitute teaches in seminary sometimes, and she was telling me about a conversation they had in class the other day.  My oldest son was in the class, and they were talking about trials and looking for the good.  She told me some of the things she had talked about, and some of the comments my son had made.  One of the comments he made was that the trials you have prepare you for things that happen later in your life--including other trials later.  I know he was referring to the news that my dad has cancer---he really loves and respects his grandpa.

I think about how traumatic the whole idea of cancer was for all of us a year ago, and I look at how we are handling my dad's now, and I realize that we all really HAVE grown. We worry, of course, and we pray, but we aren't totally freaked out like we would have been a year ago--we are handling it.  We know and understand that Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us.  Death is part of that plan, and while we hope and pray that LIFE will be the outcome, we know that even if it doesn't turn out that way, it will be o.k.

I found out on Sunday that a lady I know that lives here passed away.  She was a real fighter---she had cancer 3 times, and also had a bout of septic shock that she survived.  I ran into her in the grocery store in Idaho Falls last fall when I was out doing radiation.  At that time, she had just found out that her cancer had returned---we were joking around about hair---my lack thereof and her barely-hanging-on-hair.  At that point, she was trying to keep it as long as she could.  She was a good lady; she showed me how to stick with it in the midst of adversity.  I'm sad that she's gone---but I'm so glad that she doesn't have to suffer anymore.  I hope and pray that her family will find peace at this time.

Well, my little boy is poking me with a toy bow and arrow--he wants me to help him shoot it, so I guess I better get going.  Break's over!  Like I said, it feels like the world does revolve around me in this house!


Saturday, March 7, 2015

Saturday, March 7, 2015

I think I probably picked the absolute worst time to sit down and type.  Tonight is "spring forward."  Groan.  This is the only night of the year that I wish I lived in Arizona.

I have been intending to get on here and write for a long time, but holy, moly!  I'm so dang busy these days!

Mentally, I have made a whole lot of progress this last month.  I still have my moments of fear--mainly when I feel pain---but they are becoming very rare, and overall, I'm moving on quite well.  I still need to be vigilant, of course, but I have really made progress.

I had my first "haircut" the other day.  It was just shaggy and unruly, so I went in for a little trim.  There wasn't much to trim off--just one-quarter to one-half of an inch.  The cosmetologist just trimmed the sides around my ears and the back, shaped it so it wasn't so shaggy, and she also trimmed the top just a bit so it was even.  It lays a lot nicer, although I am on an adventure for sure!!!!  My hair is curly!  (It wasn't curly before!)  But, I can see I'm going to have to plan on getting my hair cut regularly---before the trim, I had an Afro.  (Is that the real name of a haircut, or is it a politically incorrect racial slur?  It sounds like it could be the latter . . . if it is, I apologize profusely.  I mean no offense---I just have never heard another name for that type of hairstyle.)  Anyhow, it was getting kind of round on top, though it wasn't too long yet.  It is a real change---we will see what happens as it gets longer and heavier . . .

I am also working on my bucket list---both making and working on crossing off.  I guess I had always assumed I would live to be about 100, give or take.  I don't know why.  I just never thought I would die young.  Now, I have had a wake-up call.

One of the things I learned through this experience is that we all need to make sure we are spending time on the things that matter most.  When I leave this life (hopefully later, rather than sooner) the ONLY things I will take with me are the things I have learned, the character I have become---whether positive or negative, and the relationships I have with others.  That's it.  So I better be really sure that I am spending my time on the things that matter most---yes, we do need to take care of our bodies, work so we have money for the things we need, etc.  But it's all a balancing act, and if we want to avoid regrets, we need to make sure the things we are doing are important to someone's welfare (self included)---either mentally, spiritually, physically, etc.

With all that being said, I am realizing I need to begin working on my bucket list NOW, and I need to not assume I will have the opportunity when my kids are raised and gone.  However (back to that balancing act) there are things I am NOT willing to do now, because they aren't important to anyone's welfare, and they will take too much time away from my family, which is my very most important role--mother and wife.  (This is a soapbox of mine.  Lucky for you all, I'm tired, so I won't get on it tonight.)  So, I'm working on the little things.  Funny, though . . . when I wasn't writing my bucket list  down or trying to accomplish anything that was on it, it was a pretty short list in my head.  Now, it just keeps getting longer, and longer, and longer . . .  Oh, well.  I'm working on the little things---and enjoying them!

I can't yet say I'm glad I had cancer.  I think it's too soon for that.  But I think about who I was a year ago, and I can see some growth in myself.  I think I'm a better person, in many ways, because of the experience.  I am grateful for that growth and hope I can take the things I have learned and use them to benefit myself, my family, friends, community, etc.

Now, I have to tell a funny story to end this post.  About a month ago, my husband realized that he isn't as young as he used to be . . . and realized that retirement age is going to sneak up on us a whole lot faster than we ever imagined (assuming, of course, that we live that long.)  So, we decided we should get some retirement accounts started---even if we can only contribute a little, it's better than nothing!  We went and met with a financial planner guy.  After we set everything up, he asked about our life insurance, and asked if we needed to review it to make sure we had adequate coverage.  Turning to my husband, he said, "You seem healthy.  You could probably get this [referring to the cheapest plan that only really healthy people can get]."
My husband said, "No, I don't think so, I have a few health problems."  He then proceeded to describe them.
Then the planner turned to me, "How much [life insurance] do you have?"
I told him what I have.
"Maybe we should see if we can get a little more on you."
To which I replied, "Ummm.  I don't really think they would issue me a policy."
He seemed a little surprised.  "Why not?"
"Well, I'm a cancer survivor."
"Oh, really?  How long ago?"
"I just finished radiation in November."
(Turning away from the computer screen, in a way that reminded me of someone shutting a book), "Oh, well, I guess it's a good thing you have that policy in place!"

I was not offended---I thought it was hilarious!!!!  I had to work on it not to laugh out loud.

Hopefully my family won't be needing that policy!  :-)