I think I probably picked the absolute worst time to sit down and type. Tonight is "spring forward." Groan. This is the only night of the year that I wish I lived in Arizona.
I have been intending to get on here and write for a long time, but holy, moly! I'm so dang busy these days!
Mentally, I have made a whole lot of progress this last month. I still have my moments of fear--mainly when I feel pain---but they are becoming very rare, and overall, I'm moving on quite well. I still need to be vigilant, of course, but I have really made progress.
I had my first "haircut" the other day. It was just shaggy and unruly, so I went in for a little trim. There wasn't much to trim off--just one-quarter to one-half of an inch. The cosmetologist just trimmed the sides around my ears and the back, shaped it so it wasn't so shaggy, and she also trimmed the top just a bit so it was even. It lays a lot nicer, although I am on an adventure for sure!!!! My hair is curly! (It wasn't curly before!) But, I can see I'm going to have to plan on getting my hair cut regularly---before the trim, I had an Afro. (Is that the real name of a haircut, or is it a politically incorrect racial slur? It sounds like it could be the latter . . . if it is, I apologize profusely. I mean no offense---I just have never heard another name for that type of hairstyle.) Anyhow, it was getting kind of round on top, though it wasn't too long yet. It is a real change---we will see what happens as it gets longer and heavier . . .
I am also working on my bucket list---both making and working on crossing off. I guess I had always assumed I would live to be about 100, give or take. I don't know why. I just never thought I would die young. Now, I have had a wake-up call.
One of the things I learned through this experience is that we all need to make sure we are spending time on the things that matter most. When I leave this life (hopefully later, rather than sooner) the ONLY things I will take with me are the things I have learned, the character I have become---whether positive or negative, and the relationships I have with others. That's it. So I better be really sure that I am spending my time on the things that matter most---yes, we do need to take care of our bodies, work so we have money for the things we need, etc. But it's all a balancing act, and if we want to avoid regrets, we need to make sure the things we are doing are important to someone's welfare (self included)---either mentally, spiritually, physically, etc.
With all that being said, I am realizing I need to begin working on my bucket list NOW, and I need to not assume I will have the opportunity when my kids are raised and gone. However (back to that balancing act) there are things I am NOT willing to do now, because they aren't important to anyone's welfare, and they will take too much time away from my family, which is my very most important role--mother and wife. (This is a soapbox of mine. Lucky for you all, I'm tired, so I won't get on it tonight.) So, I'm working on the little things. Funny, though . . . when I wasn't writing my bucket list down or trying to accomplish anything that was on it, it was a pretty short list in my head. Now, it just keeps getting longer, and longer, and longer . . . Oh, well. I'm working on the little things---and enjoying them!
I can't yet say I'm glad I had cancer. I think it's too soon for that. But I think about who I was a year ago, and I can see some growth in myself. I think I'm a better person, in many ways, because of the experience. I am grateful for that growth and hope I can take the things I have learned and use them to benefit myself, my family, friends, community, etc.
Now, I have to tell a funny story to end this post. About a month ago, my husband realized that he isn't as young as he used to be . . . and realized that retirement age is going to sneak up on us a whole lot faster than we ever imagined (assuming, of course, that we live that long.) So, we decided we should get some retirement accounts started---even if we can only contribute a little, it's better than nothing! We went and met with a financial planner guy. After we set everything up, he asked about our life insurance, and asked if we needed to review it to make sure we had adequate coverage. Turning to my husband, he said, "You seem healthy. You could probably get this [referring to the cheapest plan that only really healthy people can get]."
My husband said, "No, I don't think so, I have a few health problems." He then proceeded to describe them.
Then the planner turned to me, "How much [life insurance] do you have?"
I told him what I have.
"Maybe we should see if we can get a little more on you."
To which I replied, "Ummm. I don't really think they would issue me a policy."
He seemed a little surprised. "Why not?"
"Well, I'm a cancer survivor."
"Oh, really? How long ago?"
"I just finished radiation in November."
(Turning away from the computer screen, in a way that reminded me of someone shutting a book), "Oh, well, I guess it's a good thing you have that policy in place!"
I was not offended---I thought it was hilarious!!!! I had to work on it not to laugh out loud.
Hopefully my family won't be needing that policy! :-)
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