Wed. Nov. 5th, 2014

Wow.  This constant traveling to and from radiation is hard stuff.  I feel pretty good--just a little tired and sore, but the schedule is tough.  If I sound ridiculously grouchy here, it's because I have been during the last few days . . . I've just begun to be so tired, and having such a hard time keeping up with all my various responsibilities.  I didn't realize I was being so ornery until the last few days when it has all peaked, and my husband has commented on my grouchiness.  :-(

One thing that's hard that seems to be my lot in life . . .  We have some family members that are suffering from ill health.  Before this whole cancer thing came up, I was getting constant inquiries about their welfare.  I'm sure the people who were asking had only the best of intentions, but it felt like an accusation---that I wasn't doing a good enough job taking care of them.  One person pretty much said that, point blank.  I was doing my best---but I live 30 minutes away from them and have 6 kids of my own!  If I go there to take care of them, I do so at the price of my own children.  I can't pick up kid #1 from location A, take kid #2 to location B, and be taking care of things 30 minutes away at the same time!!  Even when I called the family members to ask how things were going, the answer I heard over the phone was vastly different than what people told me when they asked about their welfare---I got "surprises" all the time.   It's just really frustrating.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, no one asked anymore . . . until now.  Lately, it has all started up again.  I just want to scream, "HELLO????  Does anyone around here remember that I am still having cancer treatment myself?  Anyone remember that I am fighting for my life here???"

I have had a lot of offers of help, but I don't know what to ask people to help with.  What I really need is about 5 more hours in my day.  Oh, well, I'll stop ranting now.  :-)

So, the weirdest thing is happening.  I'm losing all my eyelashes.  Now.  When I have hair starting to come in, eyebrows starting to grow back, leg hair growing back.  And no eyelashes.  Weird.  The other day I was driving home and it looked like I had a hair hanging in my eyes.  I couldn't figure out why that would be the case, and all attempts to brush whatever that thing was out of the way failed.  I finally pulled over and looked in the mirror.  It was two loose eyelashes, hanging down right in my field of vision.  Weird.  Yesterday I lost two eyelashes on my left eye, and one on my right (that I know of.)  I can't wear mascara anymore--there are only two eyelashes on my right eye to put it on.  Weird.  Hope they come back!

Well, gotta run.  Everyone is up for scriptures, and I need to go attend to my responsibilities!